Okay. I admit it. I’m a bit of a perfectionist in recovery. I make lists. In fact, I actually have a “book of lists.” Okay, if I’m being completely honest, I have a SERIES of books of lists.
They are all in the exact same book (which I buy from the Pharmasave in Carlyle, because I love the texture of the paper and the solid feel of the book.) And I keep them all – for reference sake – because I also make notes in them which I may need to remember in the future. They are in a drawer. It is very full.
Sometimes, if I do something that’s not on “the list” for my day, I’ll sneakily add it to the list just for the joy of crossing it off. I know, I know. Sigh.
I set deadlines, I am tough on myself if I miss them or mess them up. Because, you know, I’m the chick who gets Sh*t done! I have expectations of myself, and am hard on myself if I don’t meet those.
Yes. I have a problem And I’m getting over it.
In fact, I’m generally trying to get over myself – isn’t that a work in progress? Learning to be more … chill. Rolling with the punches… easing up on the DO-ing and working harder on the BEing.
If you know how to do this effectively, let’s have us a little chat, shall we?
See, when I reflect on the problem, I boil it down to this: expectations are like a set of criteria. I expect a particular result, and if I don’t get it, then I am disappointed. For instance, if I add 1 + 1, I expect I will get 2. If I don’t get 2, then I’m WRONG!
Last year at KLKP, Daniel Koulack said to me (as I was fussing over some detail of the new schedule – I think the dance, actually) “You create this perfect space, and you assemble an amazing team of people. Just trust that what you’ve build is great, and let it do its work!”
But this suggestion invites me to live in the land of EXPECTANCY: where the joy is in being open to what happens next. Like, what happens if you add 1 GIRL RABBIT + 1 BOY RABBIT? Ah ha! See where I’m going with this?
So, the announcement about the instructors for 2018 is not entirely on “time.” But who set that expectation? ME.
And my hiring is not exactly complete yet, as I try to reach some folks by phone who are proving elusive (but they are the perfect persons for the position that week… so I keep trying!) And because of this, I can’t even contact some of my all-time favourite instructors, because this is like building a house of cards!!
Or government grants are slow to convey results of applications for summer students. Or as you are diligently working on updating the website one night, the shower in your house starts leaking as you watch in incredulity as your pendant light starts to shower water all over your kitchen island. (Which, by the way, in the lamplight, was pretty super-cool looking, if I didn’t think about the possible destruction of my ceiling or my fear of electrocution as I rushed to turn off the power to the light!)
But who set that Hiring Expectation? ME.
Expectations seem to come with a finite goal: Either they are MET or they are FAILED.
Instead, if I approach the process as an exciting journey of possibilities, things appear very different.
I want you to know that the planning is looking awesome for KLKP2018, and I’m so excited for these two weeks.
It was a struggle at times, working on personality balance within the weeks,( especially with my expectations for myself) but as I finalize the last few hires (one key one for week one) I can see the shape of the weeks, and they’re going to be lovely!
Finding the perfect person for each position, thinking outside the box to imagine how KLKP can be a great blend of learning, rest, fellowship and fun for all is energizing. I am thrilled when someone like Kanndece Sawitsky makes a cool suggestion at the end of camp last year, and I can see a way to incorporate that idea into this year’s planning. I’m excited when I can consult a long-time participant over what HER idea for a great instructor direction would be… and then I can follow up on that.
And I’m still building these halcyon weeks. I’m doing what I do, and I’m GOOD at it. I’m spending the time I need to spend to build a great space and a wonderful team of people! So I guess it’s okay to adjust my own time line and schedule in favour of the big picture!
It has also become evident that the very event which I’ve been preparing for for years is now upon us! I talk a good story about future-planning – for training up new teachers, for forward-thinking administration ( and even for someday replacing myself). I have expected that the health of all fiddle/ music camps lies in the planning for the future that we do (hence the internship program at KLKP) .. and the future is NOW!
Many of my mainstays are unable to free themselves up in 2018 (like my daughter Brienne, for instance, who won’t be able to make it to KLKP at all, and who has been instrumental in developing smart systems for making things work and so I don’t get things too complicated.)
Brie has this way of telling me I’m being an idiot with a mere look and a raised eyebrow! Like the time I thought it would be a great idea to pre-load all of the participant bags early and label them with nametags – and of course this would have been time consuming and storage-heavy with few benefits!
Some friends who I have come to rely on over the years, for their good sense, their way of calming down or offering sage advice, or just a big old bear hug to make an awesome day more awesomer – well, some of them won’t be here this year either. POOP.
I’m going to miss them. I’m also going to be open to the expectancy of discoveringNEW friends, new people to lean on and to hug. So who will be my “Daniel Koulack” model 2018? – The one who I stay up late with harassing about Bananagram games or who offers me snippets of sage advice which stick to my heart?
PS. FYI Daniel is going to be spending a month on the African continent with his son, on a much-delayed trip to learn drumming from MASTERS! Awesome. Totally awesome in all of the best ways.
But the expectancy which arrives with NEW friends – new people to get to know, to share space with, who will add their special flair to KLKP – that’s also exciting to anticipate! So over the next little while, I shall update some biographies to the web page and to Facebook, so you can get to know them a little in advance as well!
What fun the journey is going to be in 2018!
What amazing possibilities are going to greet each of us at KLKP 2018? What gifts will each participant, each parent, each child, each musician, artist, teacher, friend share with us this year? What will my take-a-ways be this year?
That’s what being open to possibilities is about! Learning when to set the lists aside and live in expectancy instead of expectation!
I’m working on it!